Working Things Out

My comments on the odd things that happen in this world

I’ve Only Gone And Done A Blog Post July 20, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — terrygreene182 @ 8:55 pm

July 12th 2011 appears to be the last time I actually wrote something of artistic merit, since then it’s feels as though I’ve just been working solidly for 2 years.

I spent a year not reading newspapers, trying to avert my mind from the constant page after page of depression. Did this make me a happier person? No, it just left me slightly out of touch and having to blag my way through certain conversations.

It’s also a lot harder to get back into it than you would think; I’m still struggling with it. You would think as a homosexual I’d be all read up on the topic of gay marriage. I’d know who the key players were, who was coming down on either side, time lines, conflicts, wins and losses. To be perfectly honest I couldn’t tell you anything.

The only part of the debate I’ve really heard came from Lord Tebbit, I’m not sure anyone could have avoided his levelled, well thought out comments that really rang true with the whole campaign.

“When we have a queen who is a lesbian and she marries another lady and then decides she would like to have a child and someone donates sperm and she gives birth to a child, is that child heir to the throne?”

“It’s like one of my colleagues said: we’ve got to make these same sex marriages available to all. It would lift my worries about inheritance tax because maybe I’d be allowed to marry my son. Why not? Why shouldn’t a mother marry her daughter? Why shouldn’t two elderly sisters living together marry each other?”

The easiest way to read that is Lord Tebbit googled the wrong thing and ended up spending half a day surfing through the depraved corners of the internet trying to find the sickest thing he could to make him infuriated about the state of the world. Seeing one thing online and deciding that’s what everyone else stands for and deciding he was a loan crusader against lesbian queens, artificial insemination (all I can think of is the royal turkey baster), and incestuous marriage.

The thing to note with the incestuous marriage part is that the marriage isn’t for love, it’s to avoid tax, so the man so vehemently trying to defend marriage against the evils of gay sees marriage as a business transaction.

But so what if Lord Tebbit did just search out a depraved video on the internet to use as a generalisation, we’ve all done that sort of thing. I’m sure this year we’ve all purposely opened a retweeted link on twitter, or a shared link on facebook, knowing it’s a Daily Mail article that is just sure to infuriate us. We can all clearly see from the headline what the article is going to be and on which side it is going to fall, why are we still reading it? It’s anger porn, that’s why.

The REAL reason middle-class mums love Aldi (and it’s nothing to do with award-winning tea bags and bacon…but everything to do with the booze aisle)

Translated: We’re going to judge you for drinking, not because we don’t drink but because our alcohol  is expensive where as you drink poor people’s alcohol.

The real life Shameless: Family-of-nine say people who don’t think they should have £2,500 3D TV paid for by benefits can ‘f*** off’

Translated:  Ha look at their living conditions, now let’s get angry about something they’ve got through a pyramid scheme.

Controversy in Cannes as top honour awarded to film with lesbian sex scenes ‘that leave nothing to the imagination’

Translated: Oh my god, a film about empowered women, why not calm your nerves by clicking on one the stories on the side bar where we abuse women for looking slightly different just to make ourselves feel better.

By the way, this isn’t me defending Lord Tebbit, he’s 82, I doubt he even knows how to google something. I can’t see anyone having the patience to sit with him and show him how computers work. It would be more infuriating than introducing a nun to a rabbi and trying to get a filthy, hedonistic love going, much in the same vein as the 2002 film Secretary. (That video has to be somewhere online)

What I’m really saying with this post is that I’m back, hopefully, as long as I can keep this momentum going. With some hopeful changes in my life soon that last sentence may actually be the truth. I’m going to start getting into politics again, and reading the news, in fact just reading in general, in the last 2 years I’ve only read a handful of books and I feel slightly ashamed by that.

Before I finish I just want to update you on a couple of bits.

First of all I went to the ARG(actually rather good) Comedy Festival a few weekends back and saw many comedians who up until that weekend I had never seen or heard anything of before. Although hard to pick highlights out of 2 days of top comedy there were some particularly perfect moments.

John-Luke Roberts singing Patricia Routledge over and over again while the Lana Del Rey song ‘Born to Die’.

Colin Hoult’s amazing imagination bought together for his new show Charachthorse.

The ramblings of Joe Lycett, with my particular favourite story of the car full of rowdy young men.

Bridget Christie proving once again sexism is still rife and needs to be battled against.

And of course the perfect end to the weekend, the riotous Pappy’s Flatshare Slamdown. Tom’s stage dive is possibly the most painful laugh I’ve ever had.

That’s all for now but thanks for coming back and reading what I had to write.

Advertisements
 

I Found This May 24, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — terrygreene182 @ 9:01 pm

Looking through the folder on my computer I found this review I wrote on the Justin Lee Collins unsuccessful quiz show “Heads Or Tails”, so as a cop-out for me, meaning I don’t have to do any thinking, here it is.

Justin Lee Collins latest vehicle, Heads or Tails, is the poor mans version of ITV’s The Colour of Money, which in itself was a poor mans version of Channel Fours Deal or No Deal.

As concepts go, it is possibly the simplest concept known to man. Pick a number, flip a coin, pick heads or tails. If you get it right you win what ever is under the number you chose. That must have been one heavy brainstorming session, just think of the brain power in that room.

Channel Five has been dragging itself out of it’s reputation for being a low-budget channel by showing top American dramas such as the CSI collection of shows, Law and Order, and more recently spending a lot on getting the rights to show Flash Forward, one of the newest and biggest dramas to take the US by storm. So why make something like this. Well it’s cheap is probably the answer. With these types of shows they usually film several episodes in a day with the host just changing their shirt between each shoot.

Justin Lee Collins is a great choice of host for a show like this because it’s impossible to hate him, no matter how much you try. The big cuddly looking lion somehow just oozes likeability in whatever he does. Although not having the ability to be his usual loud and loveable self, he can at least get out of his stereotypical role of being the crazy one, and get down to homing his skill as a presenter. Perhaps if this show had happened before his ITV2 chat show it may have made it more watchable.

Looking at Alan Carr his comedy partner,  he also did a quiz show, but on this they let him be himself and it appears letting this happen could count towards the success of his current chat show, Chatty Man ( Channel Four ), and why he is now one to watch on the live stand up comedy circuit.

But can Justin Lee Collins go any further, he has been in the pubic psyche for a number of years longer that Alan Carr but doesn’t seem to have grown, He’s like the jogging bottoms of the TV world, comfortable but you’d never tell anyone you wore them.

Tada, and I was only a child then. To be honest I didn’t read it fully back to myself, I hope it’s worth a read.

 

Britains Got Genital Warts. May 2, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — terrygreene182 @ 3:47 pm

Due to only having one entrant in my competition I am keep it open until the final, simply leave a comment with a random, and weird illness and you could be in with a chance of winning a special mystery, as yet not decided, prize. So far the one entrant was of a brilliant stand up so you’ll have to work hard. Now to the show.

Here we are in Byker Grove town, personally I’m hoping to see Jeff come back from dead.

Now I write this blog as I watch the show, that being why it seems like it’s in bullet point form, and right now I’m going to make a prediction that whoever the first person is will not get through.

So it’s a dance troupe called AKA and there is nothing weird about fake tanned, make up caked ten-year olds. Oh no, wait, sorry, yes there is! Simon starts off with having to translate what on earth they ae saying, and then the dancing starts with just a blur of gold and the constant fear that their hair is going to get tied together. And I shall admit that I was wrong. They changed the format and put the first through, but you know what that means…

MONTAGE!!!

Greg Sorden, doing a little dance, and just, well I don’t know, I feel mean taking the mick out of the mentally challenged.

Nicola, doing some stand up comedy but with a severe lack of jokes.

Gary dressed in drag doing some terrible singing. Although someone should tell Simon that horrendous isn’t three words, even if you say it slowly.

END OF MONTAGE!!!

Hoho haha hehe, Ant and Dec made a joke about how terrible they are.

Magic time, but oh my god there’s someone playing a flute, this is going to be (in three words)bril…..li…..ant. SEE SIMON IT DOESN’T WORK!! So Dec started the clapping there, while some out of tune flute playing begins and Amanda Holden pulls some strange….smiles?…whenever a bird appears. Amazingly after the crap flute playing and the boring magic they got through, I have now lost my faith in Piers…no actually I feel exactly the same.

MONTAGE TIME AGAIN!!

Bendy twins, don’t get to excited men, they’re to young, wait a few years.

Georgie Overton, singing terribly yet for some reason going through. I am actually astounded at this episode, someones put acid in their water!

Bionic Funk, doing some crazy moves, and getting through, well someone had to have some talent.

END OF MONTAGE!!

Connected, a 14-year-old boy band, let’s spot the gay one! There is something severely off-putting about a group of boys that age talking about touring the world and releasing albums, especially when all five of them look dead behind the eyes. It’s as if their Tess Daly’s children, or a Hitler Youth boy band. It feels like watching the auditions for Blue before they were forced to add Simon. Here is my hope for these boys, that they get through to the final and mid way through their last song all their voices break. That is my dream now someone go give them some hormone treatment.

https://i1.wp.com/www.anorak.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/connected-britains-got-talent.jpg

Geoff Derbyshire, 41, drives a fork lift, a broken nose, and writing on the back of his head. I’m expecting good things, oh jesus christ he’s stripping and skipping, and he’s off my tv.

I hear incidental music and I can smell a sob story. It’s Olivia, looking like a female version of Tom from Mcfly with a tongue that just wont fit her mouth. Ah it’s one of those young girls with the powerful voices that’s not disconcerting in any way. So everyone loves her, and everyone’s crying and the clichés come a flying. She made that her song. Well I beg to differ, if she had rewritten it then yes she would have made it her own.

Different dreams, two bonnie lasses(was that polite enough?) who look like they would be fun to go drinking with. I bet they could drink me under the table. Will this be a Susan Boyle moment………..well it is for one at the moment even with her bouncer style standing. Unfortunately the other wasn’t very good, so the choice had to be made and the shit ones gone. I’m honestly scared the better singer is about to turn into the hulk with the way she’s pacing. But suddenly without her friend she sounds worse, and chicachicaa they didn’t put her through, nice.

Chantelle Readman (pic: Rex)

I must just say though, the Newcastle theatre looks lovely.

Well that was this week, thanks for coming to this rather late edition of Britain’s Got (insert illness). Now I shall spend the next day staring at the screen as I play the new Final Fantasy. I bid you adieu.

 

Stupid Parties Part 1 April 24, 2010

Filed under: Good Causes,Politics,Uncategorized — terrygreene182 @ 1:31 am

I think for the next week or so I may write some angry emails to the hate peddling political parties that are so intent on destroying this country.

Today I read the English Democrats sorry excuse of a website and it got me a little bit angry so this is the email I wrote. Please join me in just being mildly annoying to these hateful fringe parties.

I have several questions but I’ll keep this short.
You say “our heritage is the bedrock of the future of England”, looking back is not how you move forward, if people constantly looked backwards we wouldn’t be living in the technological world we are now. The English people I mostly meet who do look back seem to feel that we won the two world wars, WE didn’t our ancestors did, and they won them to keep this a free country.
You say “the rich heritage of our christian faith” this is not a christian country any more this is a secular country. Look in all the churches and you will see them mostly empty, people are christian by name but nothing else.
You say “And to qualify for being English is simple, you value and appreciate the English community and want to contribute to it” what about all the, what I can only describe as Jeremy Kyle style guests in this country, are they not english, are the, admittedly not as many as the press makes out, young kids causing trouble not English?
Finally you say “rejecting secular attempts to place same sex partners into the context of either” it’s 2010, there is nothing wrong with same sex relationships and they should be allowed the same rights as different sex relationships because they are the same. They are two people, in love.
Your party, and others like you are the real hate preachers, you push lies about minorities without realising that in actual fact you are the minority. Most people of England are good honest people, be they from this country or not, yet day in and day out they have hate pushed down their throat from you and the british press.
They are willing to help out their fellow man and would happily see the hate pushers gone.
If you hate the way this country is going then why don’t you leave instead, believe me we’d be much better off without that the bile that spews out from party.
There are many brilliant things about this country such as queuing, complaining, the pint, our constant failures as a country but inherent optimism that it will be ok and tea.
But most of all this country is known for its tolerance which is the best thing of all and I love it.

Thanks for coming back, it makes me feel good when I see the line graph go up more than usual.

 

Good Start April 19, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — terrygreene182 @ 9:10 pm

I feel quite good apart from aching feet.

So yesterday I went on another mahousive walk, this time 6 hours although I dragged my younger brother along with me, and I can tell you there is nothing funnier than turning round to see an 11-year-old massively out of breath and barely able to walk.

Other than that it was pretty much a wasted weekend. I slept in saturday finally opening my eyes fully about two in the afternoon and by the time my brain kicked in it was pretty much too late to do anything so I had a geeky night of thrills and chills. As in Dr Who and then a horror film called The Messengers later on.

So Dr Who, I wasn’t sure on this episode, what with the whole mighty morphing power daleks. Obviously they had to change but the colours were just a bit to retro. Also what’s happened with their weight, it just makes me think that if they bring Davros back it will just be a hideously scarred Vanessa Feltz, actually scrap the hideously scarred part, it will just be Vanessa Feltz.

That just opens up the door for many more celebrity monsters, you could have Paul Daniels as a Sontaron, Anne Widdicombe as a Slitheen, or even Bruce Forsyth. Not as an existing monster, I just feel that he’s been alive for to long so he’s obviously not human. I reckon he’s sucking the life out of Tess Daly and that’s why she’s dead behind the eyes. And last of all Andrew Lloyd Webber, need I say more.

So overall it was an okay episode but not the best. More importantly WEEPING ANGELS NEXT WEEK!

So onto The Messengers, a horror starring Kirsten Stewart, or her off of Twilight or as I call it “That which I have happily avoided”. It wasn’t bad. It made me jump, there was an evil little boy, a bloke got stabbed by a garden fork, and there were lots of crows.

It’s about a family that have just moved into this old and really creepy looking house after some traumatic accident, although I can’t quite remember what that accident was, but soon after moving into this house the crows start going crazy and the two kids begin to see these evil little dead people. All culminating in the farm hand going mental, I won’t spoil it but there is a twist. If you like dodgy horrors then  give it a watch.

*

So the news is getting exciting, lets all talk about the ash cloud. I’ve been enjoying it, as have most people I speak to, everyone’s happy to look up in the sky and not see plane trails, and I hope, as Fiona Bruce just hinted on the news, that there is a second wave of ash coming.

I’m sure it must be devastating being stuck on holiday and having your excuse not to go back to work on the news. Psst, who noticed the sarcasm.

And now, the best news of the week which has had me happy since it happened. After Nick Cleggs brilliant performance on The Debate Factor the Liberal Democrats have shot up the polls and seem to be rising everyday. Lets just hope this carries on, and possibly, if well all work really hard and make sure everyone we know is going to vote Lib Dem and everyone they know and so on then we could get them into power.

 

Britains Got Nothing April 17, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — terrygreene182 @ 8:41 pm

So Britain’s Got Talent, ITV’s ratings winner, is back. What better prize than winning the chance to perform in front on an unelected sponge.

So the judges are back, Ant and Dec are back, and so are the baying mob, sorry I mean audience, because we all know there is nothing better than having 3000 people booing a mentally challenged person, poor Amanda Holden it’s not her fault she can’t act, present, sing, dance, blink, frown, perform circus tricks, grate cheese, eat an apple, put on a pair of gloves……..(a list of 4000 acts deleted due to space)……stroke a hippo, walk up stairs or show sincerity.

After watching the first 10 minutes I already feel dead inside so I hope you all know that I’m doing it for you. Just now I watched a woman doing something unspeakable to a penguin, why do people actually watch this, how thick do you have to be to actually think yes this is what I want to do with my saturday night, watch people who shouldn’t be allowed a massive audience given just that. They may aswell just put John Gaunt and Kelvin McKenzie on stage and let them talk for an hour.

Ok calm now just saw the advert with the laughing babies.

Oh good, here’s Kevin Cruise the stereotypical middle-aged, slightly over weight, spray tanned,  gay man in a gold sequined shirt and sailor cap, makes you proud to be British don’t it, and Kevin the word is fucking not flipping. This is the type of act that if it was a character comedian it would actually be funny but he seems to genuinely do this for a living, and the idiots in the audience love him. Although he did get Pierce Morgan to say “I would go out cruising with you anytime”, well we all knew you liked Simon but now you want Kevin aswell, you naughty man.

Now after one full act you know what we need, that’s right .

MONTAGE!

Australian goth, oh hula hoops, how entertaining for a ten-year old or an ITV audience. Josh, a dancing child, he just looks like he’s having some form of epileptic fit and Simon see’s a little bit of himself in him, well I’m not gonna make the joke. The Ruby Girls, the resident whorey dance group, it’s like Germain Greer did nothing. And end with a bit of friendly conversation between the judges.

END OF MONTAGE!

Tobias Meed, I’m gonna assume that’s how you spell his name. Wow his story is like Billy Elliot’s, his dad wanted him to be a footballer but he said “no dad, I’m going to be a dancer”.  Backwards hat, well we know he’s cool then. I never get pop locking, it’s good to do for a bit of a song but not the whole thing. I’m sorry for being angry I just find it hard not be. Yeah Pierce has seen dancing like that before because he always hangs around in the cool joints like the Fonze, ayyyy. I’m just happy he had a reason for backwards hood, I just assumed I’d missed the new youth craze.

Louis Walsh is here, who is Pierce going to suck up to, oh Louis that’s right.

Michael Lavender, an animal impressionist, I honestly can’t wait till he starts(that may have been a lie). Well that was over quick, bye.

What next though.

MONTAGE!

A shit stand up comedian with 1970’s material, a bag piper and his mother who both looked like they were going to explode, David Churcher reading a poem, what banality that was. At least we got to see Louis press his button

END OF MONTAGE!

Chloe, 10 years old, we all love child singers(that was another lie, I’m so naughty). She’s singing Vera Lynn, it’s almost as if her parents may have pushed her into this. Stage school hand by her side and a wobbly voice, she’s sure to move people to tears, and yes, she’s achieved getting that odd look from Amanda Holden when she enjoys something. It’s like the look of a serial killer who’s just killed someone and started to regret even though they know they will kill again. And she’s through with the Camp Rock song playing in the background, well I hope they’re happy they made another child cry.

Tina and Chandy, a woman with a slightly unhealthy relationship with her dog. Although that is one hell of a good-looking dog, I would if it wasn’t for the fact that I’d be cheating on mine. I actually love this and I’m not lying, I’m a sucker for a good dancing dog and this one rocks.  This is the first act that I actually liked even though I know I shouldn’t. My dogs shit, she’s asleep.

GENERIC IRISH MONTAGE WITH BEWITCHED IN THE BACKGROUND!

So a man dresses as a leprechaun not actually sure what the act is yet they let him through

END OF GENERIC IRISH MONTAGE WITH BEWITCHED IN THE BACKGROUND!

Oh and Simon’s back, thank god for that. I bet someone will press the buzzer, oh they did how hilarious! “My name is Simon Cowell and I am crushing any sign of culture in this country”

Psst the answer’s A but shhh don’t tell anyone because it’s a really challenging question.

Paul Hunt, 40 years old and an accounts clasnorrrrrrr urgh sorry what I drifted off there. Oh and he’s gonna burp, a step up from Methane Man. Pointless, didn’t even do a song.

Kieron, a tiny drummer, who really want’s to do it with his mum and dad. His words not mine. After walking on stage Amanda shouted “Oh my god is that that little boy”, why, what did you do to him! Looks as though someone should have left the parents at home. Jesus someone do something, you can’t have 10 seconds of absolute silence on an entertainment programme. I’m writing this before it happens, I bet they ask the boy to come back and do it alone.  Oh I am on fire tonight.

Kieron is back after an ad break, let’s see him whack some skin. Drum skin you perverts. Close your eyes and it’s like a mini Stomp, I’m hoping to open them and see the large guy come out with a match box. There’s just something not quite right about the gurning, it’s as if he’s remembering something that his drum teacher did to him a long time ago because he played a wrong…beat, rhythm, I’m not sure of the word. Well again they have put him through, let’s see them destroy him again by not letting him get through to the finals. These people really are heartless bastards.

Well that’s episode one out of the way, come back next week for more of my jovial posting. Thanks for reading.

 

100 Greatest Stand Ups April 11, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — terrygreene182 @ 12:10 am

I’m setting myself the easy challenge or writing about each comedian on this list.

I decided to write this blog a bit late so I’m starting at around 95, it’s just gonna be a line or two about each one, and in some cases probably just one offensive word.

96- Lee Hurst. Well this will be a great start, I’ve never seen any of his work but I have heard good things.

95- Jackie Mason. There’s nothing like a stand up comedian you can barely understand, but you have to give him credit for working so hard for so long. Maybe one year I’ll go see him, but probably I wont.

94- Arthur Smith, the type of person that you just want to go for a drink with and chat to all night. I’ve heard he does night tours of edinburgh during the fringe so I may have to go on one.

93- Rosanne Barr, she just reminds me of childhood so I love her. She always makes me laugh out loud.

92- Ken Dodd, I remember as a child my grandad playing me a cassette of the diddy men and I loved it. I would love to go see him one day, better book a week off though if he runs as long as they say.

91- Rik Mayall, he’s got balls I’ll give you that, he will go out of his way to make me laugh no matter how stupid it makes him look. Would be nice to see him doing more in front of the cameras now days.

90- Dick Gregory, I haven’t seen much of his work but I feel like I should look into it.

89- Shaun Hughes, I loved him on Buzzcocks but I’m never really sure whether I like his stand up, although the dancing with the pets routine always cracks me up.

88- Joe Pasquale, Fuck off you joke stealer! (See Stuart Lee 90’s Comedian)

87- Jethro, maybe if I was from the west country but he’s not for me, although just seeing that Bernard Manning doesn’t like him I now do.

86- Harry Enfield, brilliant in the 90’s but he isn’t for now. If you watch The Fast Show and Enfield and Chums now it just seems stale and unfunny.

(Ad-Break, just realised some of these are going to be basically nothing because I haven’t seen any of their stand up, ah well)

85- Dame Edna Everidge, probably the best character comedian, brave and ballsy, but she can get away with it.  Barry Humphries is a genius and has made such a well-rounded character that you could watch for hours.

84- Dave Spikey, he’s of that group of people who bore me, immensely.

83- Lenny Henry, now I could make a cheap joke about him and Dawn French splitting but I wont, although I realllllly want to. The thing with Lenny Henry is, like Harry Enfield, he made me laugh in the 90’s but he doesn’t now.

82- Bob Newheart, I don’t know who is, I apologise.

81- Tim Minchin, the best musical comedian around at the moment, he makes ginger cool, marriage look nice, canvas bags wonderful. Such a wonderdul piano player aswell, he sends chills down me when he plays.

80- Ronnie Corbett, the shit one from the two Ronnies. All I can say is why do the good die first.

79- Julian Clary, filth at it’s best, although not around as much these days, when ever you do see his stand up he is still as filthy as ever.

78- Ardal O’Hanlon, the charm of the irish all in one man. You can’t dislike him.

77- Emo Philips, I actually love this man so good, if you look on YouTube there is a full set from him in several parts. He makes me laugh so much that I normally cry while watching him.

76- Chic Murray, I honestly have no idea who this man is….so*whistles and swings leg….yeah.

75- Patrick Kielty, grrrrr, I’m not gonna swear about him I just don’t like him.

74- Bill Cosby, the funniest twitterer around. He’s like a black Williams Shatner.

73- Jim Davidson, CUNT.

72- Alexi Sayle, I just wish I’d got to see him when he was doing stand up, he would have scared me but it would have been a good scare.

71- Denis Leary, what I’ve seen I liked but I do need to see more.

70- Jenny Eclair, she is the type of woman who you know is just immensely cleverer than you and so is quite frightening.

69-Frankie Howerd, just wonderful and he went to early, as in I never got to see him.

68-Lily Savage, well she’s better than Paul O’Grady.

67-Demetri Martin,  I love clever comedy, and he is that at it’s best. Hopefully he will be at the fringe this year.

66-Mark Thomas, nearly the greatest political stand up there is, number one in this country for me anyway. Such a clever man, and I suggest reading Belching Out The Devil, very good book about coca cola.

65-Jason Manford, I don’t like much northern comedians, don’t know why I just don’t, but Jason Manford never fails to make me laugh, and even with one story make me wince massively.

64-Bob Monkhouse, my mum loves him, I don’t. Shame he dies though.

63-Phill Jupitus, although I’ve heard he isn’t very nice if you ever talk to him in public it still doesn’t detract from the fact that he is a very, very funny man.

62- Roy Chubby Brown, CUNT. Oh look there’s another one, and I’m sure there’s one more.

61-Steve Martin, would be nice to see more stand up from him, other than that I only like a few of his films.

60-Andy Kaufman, the bravest and probably craziest man in comedy, shame he died quite young.

59-Steve Coogan, well here’s yet another funny in the 90’s case. See recent tour sales for proof.

58-Graham Norton, the entertainment show bitch that we all forget is very funny. Of course he isn’t going to be rude on Dorothy, it’s half seven, what do you expect.

57-Joan Rivers, a very funny woman who surprisingly looks better with surgery than without.

56-Jerry Seinfeld, I hope I’m not alone with this, I’ve never found him funny.

55-Dave Allen, the greatest sit down comic ever, I could watch this man for hours. his style is just perfect and his material is spot on.

54-Paul Merton, he is a god in my eyes, and even though he is very funny he will always sit back and let others have a go when he is on panel shows.

53-Lenny Bruce, what little I have heard is brilliant.

52-Chris Addison, one of the clever new brand of comedians around, he is just perfect. Even his short lives sitcom Labrats was amazing, there is a site where you can watch every episode for free, when I find it, I’ll post the link.

51-Bernard Manning, CUNT!

50-Stephen Wright, dead pan comedy at it’s best.

49-Robert Newman, another brilliant political standup, a wonderfully clever man who I hope to eventually see at some stage.

48-Johnny Vegas, there is nothing like a comedian who will go to any lengths to get a laugh, no matter how uncomfortable he makes the audience.

47-Bob Hope, from what I’ve heard he’s a bit of a twat, and he seemed to make most of his money out of wars.

46-Dave Gorman, ah documentary comedy at it’s best, although I haven’t seen his current tour I’m sure it was as good as everything else he has done, and we all love a graph.

45-Frank Skinner, I like him when he did Baddiel and Skinner Unplanned, then I didn’t like him, but now I’ve begun to enjoy what he is doing at the moment. Anyone who plays a ukulele is fine by me.

44-Tommy Trinder, well Ross Nobles campaign didn’t work, but he jumped up a lot.

43-Alan Davies, more stand up is needed from him, the panel shows are good, Jonathan Creek is good, his stand up is great, give us more.

42-Rhod Gilbert stop shouting at me. I think your funny but please stop shouting at me.

41-Ed Byrne, such a hard-working comedian who hasn’t got the publicity he deserves, he should be much bigger than others who I’m sure are to follow, like number

40-Eddie Murphy, yeah everyone loves a homophobic man who doesn’t look after his own child.

39-Reginald D Hunter, a brilliantly funny act who’s careering is growing at the right speed for him to be massive in the future I hope.

38-Ben Elton, I’m just gonna leave this cause I will just go off on one about hypocrites.

37-Jasper Carrott, well we all love the nutter on the bus routine, just a shame about that terrible sitcom he did.

36-Tim Vine, fast paced and simple jokes, just a wonderful act who I feel would be tiring to see live but I still want to.

35-Russell Howard, I like him, I really do. Clever and rather handsome.

34-Omid Djalili, I don’t like him that much, I have tried to but it didn’t help.

33-Jerry Sadowitz, I need to see this man, and I love the fact he does magic to. Even though I hate magicians.

32-Tommy Tiernan, hey look, it’s him from beautiful people. I feel like I need to watch more of him.

31-Robin Williams, you can’t knock the man for his skill and I still love Mrs. Doubtfire.

30-Jo Brand is just a wonderfully funny comedian who has had an amazing career.

29-Frankie Boyle, massively offensive but massively funny. Although his column in The Sun just looks offensive because you can’t hear him saying it. Plus no one should write for The Sun, shame on him.

28-George Carlin, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! Such a shame he died but his work won’t be forgotten.

27-Alan Carr, although it’s not normally the type of comedy I like, I love Alan Carr.

26-Jack Dee, he goes in and out of fashion like a yoyo but the point is he always comes back.

25-Al Murray is very funny and very clever, and if you understand what he’s doing it’s a lot funnier than taking it at face value.

24-Les Dawson, no one can badly play piano as good as him, and even his mother in law jokes weren’t to bad.

23-Daniel Kitson, I cannot wait until the fringe so I can see him live. Everything I hear about this man is nothing but praise and I feel the need to go and see what genius is.

22-Russell Brand, the proof that all publicity is good publicity, and who’s recent show was a brilliant and long-awaited answer to the storm that the media whipped up.

21-Lee Mack, his routine about glasses made me buy a thicker rimmed pair. That’s how powerful his stand up is.

20-And just like that it’s Tommy Cooper(Ha i’m hilarious), funny jokes, funny magic, funny hat.

19-Sean Lock, when his routines work they work wonderfully, but when they don’t they bomb.

18-Harry Hill, the surreal family comedian. His jokes are like an upbeat Milton Jones. Come to think of it, why is he not on the list?

17-Lee Evans, I’m bored Mr Evans think of something new, although your niece is a nice girl, went clubbing with her once.

16-Dara O’Brien once made me cry during a routine about Mr snuffleupagus, I was literally weeping for minutes.

15-Woody Allen, I understand he broke new ground but I still don’t find it funny

14-Dylan Moran, the most wonderful, charming man on the stand up circuit, and he has a smile which, although rarely seen, melts your heart. I never tire of watching him, a great comedian, and a great actor. Just wonderful.

13-Jimmy Carr, when I first saw him I honestly didn’t like him one bit, but he delivers things with such a style that I grew to love him.

12-Stewart Lee, I love him so much, I honestly cannot get enough of him. I could watch this man for hours. He doesn’t just fire out joke after joke, he essentially spoon feeds your perfectly crafted jokes.

11-Ross Noble, the ultimate king of instantaneous comedy. I am envious of the speed that his brain works and forms ideas.

10-Victoria Wood, all I will say is that she is a master songstress, and a funny woman and I cannot get enough of  “Let’s Do It”.

9-Michael McIntyre, I know this shouldn’t be the type of comedy I like but he has made me cry on many different occasions.

8-Chris Rock, my brothers favourite racist, and Shaun Hughes has it right when he said it is for middle class black americans.

7-Bill Bailey, probably the most succesful musical comedian, I urge you, if you’ve not seen his remarkable guide to the orchestra then search it out and watch it. It’s not just funny, it leaves you in awe at his genius to do something on that scale.

6-Peter Kay you aren’t funny. We all remember things now fuck off.  DO YOU REMEMBER AY AY CUSHIONS AY AY DO YOU REMEMBER AY AY DO YOU AY AY WHAT WERE THEY ABOUT AY AY YOU LEAN ON THEM AY AY! Imagine a biscuit falling in your tea, cor who would of thought. 

5-Eddie Izzard is a genius for making scripted material seem like it’s off the cuff, and also doing a show in France in french is just a wonderful thing to do.

4-Bill Hicks was a wonderfully intelligent man who cared about things and had enough brain power to convey these things in a perfect way. He will go down in history as one of the truly great and truly inspirational comedians in history. I just wish I was born earlier so I could have had the chance to see him in person. He shows how stand up comedy can be an art form and can be used to change things. He is my number one and never will anyone come close to him.

3-Ricky Gervais, you used to be good, what happened? I mean The Invention of Lying, what were you thinking? Although I didn’t like The Office (The American Office is so much better), your first two stand up shows were hilarious and then you came back with Fame, I don’t remember laughing once while watching that. I’ve not seen Science yet but let’s hope it’s back on form.

2-Richard Pryor, I feel ashamed to say all I have seen of his work is the films so I don’t really feel I should comment on his stand up, but I’ll give it a go. The bits I’ve seen were alright but I’m sure in full they’re much better.

1-Billy Connolly, well he’s held his spot at number one and what can I say. Well I can’t say a bad word about him because he kept me laughing throughout my childhood. From his folk songs to his comedy anything he does turns to gold. Even now I still occasionally find myself singing D.I.V.O.R.C.E. for no reason. Along with a few others it’s the screen saver for my brain.

Thank you for reading this massively long blog, from the word count it comes in as just over 2500 words, come back soon for a shorter post.