On the 12th of July I cried for 15 minutes.
What made this happen? The film Marley and Me. It’s not even that great a film but there’s something about defenceless creatures that get’s my tear ducts leaking profusely down my cheeks.
I can still remember the first film that ever really made me cry, it’s not Bambi as is most people’s standard tear-jerker moment from childhood, but was in fact “Homeward Bound”.
Yes that’s right, Homeward Bound. Essentially a film about 2 dogs and a cat going on a hiking holiday and being held hostage by nature. Think The River Wild but with animals instead, pesky porcupines and a meddlesome moose. (Don’t judge me on the alliteration, I’m sure you couldn’t have resisted it either.)
I haven’t seen this film in quite some time, yet I’m sure that if I watch it anytime soon it will still reduce me to tears. Just the thought of that golden retriever not appearing over the top of that hill makes me worry every time I watch it. What if someones snuck into my house with their own alternative ending to the film where Shadow dies by that train track, and what if they’ve painstakingly spent all night cutting this alternative ending onto my video so that the next time I watch it I don’t get the elation of seeing him slowly appear, instead I just get the depression of a harmless dogs death. Although saying this makes me wonder, surely if you’ve got an alternative ending you would also have in your possession a full video edit containing this alternative ending, so why did you spend the night slicing and dicing my video, why not just swap them over. I’m hardly going to notice that you’ve stolen my version until the end, and at this point it’s to late because you’ve already achieved what you wanted to. Jesus, think it through next time will you!
Enough of my Homeward Bound obsession anyway. That’s not even the most embarrassing tearful film story.
A little fun game for the middle of the blog, I’ll give you a quick quote and you have to guess the film before you read the next sentence. OK, everyone clear on the rules? Good, here we go then.
To infinity and beyOH DEAR GOD, WHY DOES IT HAVE TO ENDDD!!!
Sorry about that, I couldn’t even write the quote without bringing back the terrible emotions from that fateful day.
It started off as quite a good day, I was being the kindly elder brother and taking my 12-year-old brother(remember that age) to the cinema to see a couple of films. I knew I was taking him to see Toy Story 3 but I thought while there I might as well introduce him to something good so managed to get Scott Pilgrim Vs The World in first. Great film, go watch it.
Anyway, I sat there, for pretty much fiery pit onwards, audibly weeping, while my 12 YEAR OLD brother sat there smiling his head off having the time of his life. If anything is going to make you feel less of a man weeping at a childs film while a child sits there as happy as Jeremy Vine on election night when he gets to play with the green screen.
The most annoying thing about this instance of crying is that I wasn’t even that big a fan of the first two films in the Toy Story franchise. I’d only seen the first film about 3, maybe 4 times, and amazingly at that point had never fully seen the second film( I later discovered the reason for that, it isn’t very good). I have since seen the first two films about 10 times each, so now that I actually feel something for these characters it just makes the end of number 3 harder. I truly feel for the young dads who had grown up with Toy Story and loved it more than me and had to take their children to see the third in the trilogy as they must have been wailing. At least I just wept….losers.
Marley and Me started this blog and Marley and Me is going to end it.
Why would Channel Four show this on a sunday night, no one is out on a sunday night so if your watching this film, your watching it with other people, you don’t have a choice. Also starting a film like this at 8pm means that you have to let the kids stay up to watch the last hour, meaning, if you have a wife and children, there are at least three people there to watch you cry your eyes out for twenty minutes.
As I mentioned earlier it’s not even that good a film, I liked it yes, but from the start of the film I knew that John Grogan had just set out to lure people in with this loveable story of a boisterous and loveable dog before leaving you to weep while the credits rolled, or if you read the book, while you flicked through those last 5 blank pages which are always inexplicably at the back of every book.
My point to this blog, although yes I’ll admit for this point to make sense you need to ignore everything I have written before, is that crying is a good thing. It’s cathartic and is needed every now and then. Just make sure you do it hidden away somewhere from the general public because I catch you crying all you’ll get from me is an awkward pat on the back and the words “there there, never mind”.
Now let’s all just say “Awwww look at the cute little doggy!!!”