Working Things Out

My comments on the odd things that happen in this world

Sunday Night Blues May 16, 2010

Filed under: Comedy,Good Mood,Politics,Review,TYSIC — terrygreene182 @ 7:50 pm

I don’t know what it is about sunday nights but I get grumpy. I usually end up snapping at a family member and having to sit upstairs. So today I took the pre-emptive strike of moving up stairs directly after dinner(lovingly prepared by me) and will now spend the rest of tonight watching crap television. That is, after I’ve written this clumsily cobbled together blog of ideas.

Politics.

So we have a new government, conlib, condem, libcon, however you want to describe, and already it has caused controversy by the fact that it is two seeming polar opposite parties who have now come together for the next five years. The right-wing hate it, the left-wing hate it, but the fence sitters are surely loving it. Saying that they probably haven’t even noticed anything happening and probably didn’t even vote, the scum they are.

After the initial shock of what had happened, and once I had got past how creepy it was to see Clegg and Cameron in a garden laughing and joking, I finally managed to get my head in a balanced enough place to make my mind up. Although I would rather have not had the Conservatives in power at all, at least while they are there the Liberal Democrats can hopefully stop them from doing any of their more right-wing plans such as repealing the hunting ban(I hope).

For me David Cameron will never be the prime minister and for the next five years, or however long until the two parties start arguing, in my mind this country will have no prime minister. I know it’s a bit of a childish thing to do, but what is the point in living if your going to let go of childhood completely. I still talk to myself when no ones around, I talk to my animals as if they can understand me, and whenever they house is empty I do indeed dance like a champion.

What I’m saying is, don’t lose hope and faith with the Liberal Democrats, love them all the same, if you did that is, and keep supporting them. This is bound to give them a better footing for next time round and who knows the (spits on floor) Sun may even start supporting them at the next election. Although if that happens I shall then be voting for someone else. Maybe the Greens, I like them.

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What’s the difference between a bus and the BNP? A bus has got seats and is going somewhere.(Joke via Billy Bragg, our lord and saviour)


Productive Weekend.

I actually managed to do some decent things this weekend. I finished reading a book that had been sitting in my bag for months, and I’ve begun reading another.

The book I finished was Black Butterfly by Mark Gatiss. The third, and final I think, in the Lucifer Box series, and a brilliant end to what has been a wonderful set of books. I started reading them by chance, me being the type of person who buys a book because of the cover(or in the some cases the pages, see Popco and The end of Mr Y), and from the moment I opened the first page of The Vesuvius Club I was hooked. With a brilliant lead character in Lucifer Box, who is portrayed in such a charming and charismatic way that you instantly fall in love with him. These three books are not only well written, but are also truly funny and cause some laugh out load moments, which cause some odd looks while on the bus, and even moments of real tension. This is the first book that I have ever read while clenching my fist and willing the characters to victory. I urge you, if you have not yet read them to give them a try.https://i0.wp.com/img1.fantasticfiction.co.uk/images/n28/n142252.jpg

I’ve now start reading the brilliant Richard Herrings “How Not To Grow Up”, one chapter in and it’s looking good. Available for £6.99 on Amazon, and is currently top of the comedy charts, so let’s keep it there. Also while your buying that why not pop over to http://www.gofasterstripe.com and buy everything, not just Richard Herrings stuff but everything. It’s worth it.

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Also this weekend I finally sat down and carried on with the work I started months ago on some sketches. Credit Crunch BBC is my working title, and if anyone knows of a good place to send these sketches to get them seem, then any help would be greeted with nothing but graciousness, perhaps even a pint if I ever met you.

 

Britains Got Stendhal Syndrome May 15, 2010

Filed under: General,Review,Television — terrygreene182 @ 8:13 pm

It’s real, give it a google.

Remember kids, the competition is still open. Just leave an illness in the comments on any of the Britains Got…. blogs and I will choose my favourite for the final and that person will win a mystery prize. I say mystery, it’s just not been decided yet but I promise it will be something good. So get your thinking caps on and send m your best efforts. You can enter as much as you like.

Anyway, the time is upon again so here we go for an hour of vacuous nothingness with the possibility of some talent on the horizon, once we get past the intro that is. I feel we need a crap joke.

Taking to the stage first this week is Marlene, 62, from Bournemouth and she’s going to sing us a little song. From the look of her I’m expecting some music hall-style songs, but alas it’s not. She just ends up sounding like a karaoke night at a holiday camp but she was fun. To watch that is, not be around. If that happened I would have to smash her face in with a brick.

MONTAGE TIME!

Ryan giving us a little rendition of You Raise Me Up, well we all try to sing along when it’s on so why not give it a go in front of a large audience.

Jamie Harding, in a purple body suit, giving us a little dad rocker dancing and baring ALL to the world.

Pucker Productions, at last an amateur production group compan….oh they’re gone.

END OF MONTAGE!

Alan James, the rejected member of ZZ Top, saying he “saw Top Of The Pops on the radio” no explanation needed, and thank god he is singing a song that he wrote himself. Oh this is a heartbreaking song, and all you can see coming through is years of constant rejection as he sidles up to them in bars, twiddling his moustache and begins with his opening gambit of “I’m wearing my National Lottery undies. Push the button and release the balls!”

Josh Barry, 16 years old, and a student, sponging bastard. I don’t pay for you to go on talent shows, wow I’m really getting into this Tory government. Singing a classic, which I have never heard anyone sing badly which leads me to think that no one can sing this badly, even with hair that bad, I can’t comment mine is constantly a mess but I don’t put myself forward for national ridicule.

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MONTAGE!

Mystica? maybe, belly dancing without bellies, yet still somehow through.

Julia? I’m not getting any of these names, and her act is performing the BBC ident from several years ago.

Again I missed the name, but essentially it’s a less complicated diversity. Now one quick point, Amanda says there were real glimpses of genius in their act. Did I miss Ben Goldacre while I was looking down.

END OF MONTAGE!

Twist and Pulse are next, looking like the two bullied members of “the cool kids” gang, and their going t give us a little dance. With a timely reminder of The Cheeky Girls which just brings back the thought of why! But it was funny at points but in the end with all of these new pop locking dances, I sound middle-aged, it’s just moving in a jolty style. Essentially they could just put someone with epilepsy onto the stage and make them have a fit to get the same result.

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MONTAGE!

The something poets society, with much and fish. This  is when cross breeding goes wrong.

THAT WAS A SHIT MONTAGE!

Mark James, dressed as the Phantom of The Opera, to show people that he is good at what he does. Im worried, there are a number of things I’m good at but I’m pretty sure they would be illegal to put on a stage and national television. Oh he’s doing a half and half song, I remember when I first saw one of these, it was good. Then I saw another one, it wasn’t so good. Having just checked Twitter I see that many people are showing a lot of love to the contestants. I feel so alone.

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So now we have a female Diversity called Ice. I say female I can see a male there. I understand that this sort of dancing is impressive but there’s a time and a place for it and that was last year. I’m going to stop writing about this act because I will just get angry and lose a lot of readers. Okay I’m going to say a bit more. How can Simon Cowell say he doesn’t like it when people are coached. Has he never seen the X Factor! He’s made his career out of coaching people to sing horrible shit, the beaver headed cunt. Ahem, rant over.

Paul Burling, doing some impressions for us. Let’s see how up to date they are, I’m expecting Les Dennis up to date. Oh I’m pleasantly surprised that he’s begun with a Harry Hill impression, and then the cartoon impressions came out. I wish I was easily pleased because I would have found that entertaining, unfortunately I’m a bit of a comedy snob, if your going to impressions then make them real people. So he’s through and my faith in humanity is destroyed, I miss natural selection.

That’s all folks HAHAHAHAHA I’M SO FUCKING FUNNY, I DID A BUGS BUNNY IMPRESSION HAFUCKINGHAHA!

Ahem, sorry I don’t know what came over. Goodbye for now.

 

Pressing The Election. May 3, 2010

Filed under: Newspapers,Politics,Review — terrygreene182 @ 11:20 pm

There is nothing like looking in a paper to see a reasonable, balanced, and well thought out idea of what is going on in this election…are the words I wish I could write. Alas we all know that’s not how it is. With The Sun, and other Murdoch run papers pledging their allegiance several months ago for the Tories, the Daily Mirror(I didn’t even realise that was still going) are behind Labour, and finally, just in the nick of time, the Guardian giving their support to the Liberal Democrats.

So, in the interest of fairness, I’m going greatly weight this post against The Sun, they are my main cause of annoyance each day as it’s the only paper that I see on a regular basis, what with this new fangled invention of the internet I have no need of actually buying a paper, me being the same as most other people in the world, and then in turn this being why the papers have to print smear stories because it makes dullards pick up their knuckles off the floor and pay 20p for it, to then just look at the pictures.

Anyway back on task.

I heard a while ago, although at first it didn’t really sink in what was said, that the right wing press were told by those up on high to ignore the Liberal Democrats, that is why in the past few years there has been next to no coverage on what the Liberal Democrats were doing, how they felt on issues, and what they would have done. Yet we were bombarded with Cameron, because that is all it is as we are not allowed to see the rest of his cabinet, telling us what he would have done, why he would be better, and how if he was in charge we would all live in this fairytale world, as if we have all forgotten what sort of party the Conservatives are. Behind the mask that is Cameron it is all the same people who were there before he was in charge. Just google Phillippa Stroud and read what they wont write into the main stream papers.

Following up the point of the press ignoring the liberal democrats, this meant that they were not ready for Nick Clegg to give the Liberal Democrats the biggest boost in quite a while with his appearances on the live TV debates. This meant they suddenly had to turn on their foot, stop attacking labour, and instead cobble together some smear stories against Nick Clegg and the Liberal Democrats which were all conveniently on the front page of four national newspapers on the same day. Only the next day, when all these stories had either been proved untrue or shown to be completely out of context it was not reported in these papers, and when the Conservatives admitted to releasing the stories to the relevant papers they decided not to release that information to their readers either.

That is why the internet has been so important during this election, it has meant that information like that does get around to people. For example during the second TV debate David Cameron kept attacking Gordon Brown about using scare tactics in their leaflets, and before the debate was over pictures went round of a Conservative leaflet which was just a picture of a machete dripping with blood and the phrase “Violent Crime Up Under Labour”.

The internet is a powerful tool and it is at times like this that it becomes essential to get truth out there and to show up hypocrisy. So ignore what the main stream press tells you and just google something and find out the truth for yourself.

Come back tomorrow(hopefully) for another election special, tomorrow I’m thinking the policies of the main three parties. This means I’m going to have to trawl through their manifestos, do you see what I do for you lovely readers.

One last thing. Remember this election is about lots of things but we can change things, so twitter, Facebook, Bebo, blog, MySpace, email, text, phone, write and do anything else you can to let them know what you want, and as the cliche goes, when you want it. NOW

 

General Election, More Like Genital Erection. May 2, 2010

Filed under: Newspapers,Politics,Review,Television — terrygreene182 @ 10:54 pm

(If you don’t want to read about politics please see last paragraph as I need your help)

Yeah that’s right, I’m like a walking, talking Carry On… film.

So the race is on, well it has been for nearly a month now but we’re heading into the final week so I stand by that statement, the race is on. Originally it was basically a choice between Labour and the Conservatives but the debates blew that wide open and we are no longer in a(ready for the cliché) two-horse race. The Liberal Democrats came out looking like a breath of fresh air after the first debate, and although admittedly losing a bit of steam, still seem like they could pull something out of the bag at the last-minute and win the vital votes.

So, it’s time to play…Who wants to be our next prime-minister?

Will it be Gordon Brown, with the look of a brown bear balloon that’s slowly deflating, if it wasn’t for that smile there would just be nothing pleasant about him demeanour, but that’s not what we should be looking for in our PM.  It’s the voice we should want! Seriously, get a little portable radio and listen to him speak, he sent tingles down my spine with his smooth voice.

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Or maybe it could be David Cameron, with his slick hear, slick forehead, and massively prosthetic looking chin. I’m not sure what’s happened to him during this campaign but he just seems to be getting weirder looking, and impossibly shiny. He even came out with a fake tan at one point which was mysteriously gone the next day. But as for his voice, well I’ve never felt my skin crawl that fast than when I first heard him speak.

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But there is always the possibility that we could get the one, the only, Nick Clegg. After spending months in obscurity, which I’ll come onto later(If I don’t remind me), he shot up the polls after just one debate, maybe it was the polices, or maybe it was the nonchalant way he stood, hand in pocket, not a hair out-of-place, looking all handsome with his yellow tie, and confident smile, and just let the other two bicker between themselves before he set out his plans, which were generally well received.

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Of course this election is about who looks and sounds the best, but about policies so later on this week before the election I shall get onto that subject. As well as the press coverage and, realising I only have 3 days and then it’s vote time, who and why I am voting for. Let’s see if you can guess before, I’m sure it’s not obvious already.

I do need your help though. This will be the first general election where I’ve been old enough to vote and to care so naturally I shall be staying up with channel four on the television and BBC on the laptop to watch the coverage, luckily having managed to get friday off from work. So what I need your help with is a little game I will be playing which I’m sure many others shall also be playing. I call it “Drink-a-long-a-Dimbleby”, simple rules, every time David Dimbleby says a certain word of phrase I take a drink, but I need help to think up what this word or phrase should be. I’ve had a few ideas but I feel if I go with constituencies I’ll be on the floor by midnight. So please send your suggestions this way and stay up with me on Twitter or Facebook for a night of political fun times.

 

Britains Got Glaucoma April 25, 2010

Filed under: Review,Television — terrygreene182 @ 1:47 am

Hello, and welcome back to my weekly edition of Britain’s Got… Each week I bring you a hateful look at the vacuousness of ITV. I may well carry on this weekly feature once this has finished just ripping into much of the ITV schedule but for now it’s just this.

Sorry for the lateness this week but I was out being sociable so I’m now watching the repeat.

Here we go, tense music begins, Ant and Dec look ‘ard, crowd appears and we see the last weeks. This is Britain’s(drum beat) Got(drum beat) Talent(drum beat). I can hardly wait.

On a side I’ve not put enough milk in my hot chocolate.

So the first act is Christine, 51 from Leeds, with a mouth that appears to be pulled down at the sides by string when she speaks, either that or she’s having a stroke on both sides. Well it looks like she’s taken my advice from twitter earlier in the week, cheers yourself up if your down by doing a little moonwalk. And oh, Piers Morgan tries a joke and 20 people laugh, you know we are now going to see a one man show of Piers Morgan doing a Frank Sinatra style show.

Christine, as always being the first act shown, didn’t get through, meaning we now have to see….

FAILURE MONTAGE

Girl playing guitar with a pogo stick, and by playing i mean strumming no chords as she holds the stick between her, well i could go crude but I’ll say legs.

Singing bodybuilder, seemingly not building for that long but with that voice he may aswell go to America and sing many a country song for literally pounds.

Tits, bad singing, fire, and a warning from Dec, well that’s a definite no…wait, two yes’ are you people mental!

END OF FAILURE MONTAGE

Here comes Stevie, the regurgitator who I’m pretty sure I’ve seen before, and he, like the fire lady, gets a warning, but don’t worry it’s from Ant this time, mixing it up a little are we ITV just to keep me watching. This bloke is strange but you have to admit, it’s fucking impressive, I want to see him win and then die on stage in front of the queen. So they put him through, yes I’ll agree it was fascinating but it’s going to be the same act every time surely, but it’s okay there’s a sob story, I often swallow things I don’t want people to steal, my Iphones currently resting on top of my pancreas.

Now we’re back from the break with a guitar playing dog, I for one am fucking excited! I have never seen Cowell’s face light up like that with the thought of what is about to happen. And now she’s ruined it by not letting the dog  start. Ok the dog not really being bothered just wanting to shut the woman up. Right now I want to just shake that woman and say “NO, NO!” and hit her on the nose with a newspaper. Shockingly she’s not through, the one good thing Simon Cowell has ever done.

But you know what this means

ANIMAL MONTAGE!

Star the pig, wandering off stage and attacking Ant. I’m sure we’re all thinking the same thing. PUT THE PIG THROUGH!!

Neil and his snail racing, nothing happens, there’s not even any jokes. Lets just hope one day the snails rise up against him and kill him in some snail way, maybe slime up his throat.

Dancing horse girl, oh it’s shitting on the stage, it’s like blue peter. Hahaha a horse is doing a bodily function, it’s hilarious teehee hoohoo hahhah. *note sarcasm

END OF ANIMAL MONTAGE

The Arrangement, who’s lead singer looks like the lead singer of G4 but slightly traumatized, maybe just after a vicious gang rape involving Louis Walsh, Simon Cowell, brian freedman, and Danni Minogue with her giant cock. Well where else do you think the rest of her skin went. Oh it’s a medley, with a good singer this could be good. I have to admit I feel this is the one show that I will like this week, with a few more lessons he could sing better, but the band were good, and Pokerface was a genius end to the performance.

Question time, this is always fun. What they should do with this is just put the people who get it wrong in a room and get people to pay to poke them with a stick. Roll up, roll up, come see the dumb, marvel at their inability to add, wonder at the lack of general knowledge, be transfixed by the way they believe anything written in the Sun, or as they call it My Sun(seriously they do, read the letters page, it’s hilarious).

Back in London and the judges are discussing their sleeping arrangements, well that’s an image I will never get rid of.

So now Lady Gaga’s better looking brother Max Oliver, singing, for the second time this episode, Pokerface, and doing a rather good impression of the Gaga, that not being hard due to the fact that she is a terrible dancer and cannot sing live. Simon asks “If we’ve already got Lady Gaga, why do we need you?” Well I would ask why do we need Lady Gaga. He still walks like a man though, I love people who drag up but still walk with that blokey gait.

So it’s acrobat time, and what better way to introduce them than with High School Musical. Jesus christ that child is 18! Ok I can’t mock this it’s amazing, that’s what talent is, the others need to learn. That was simply amazing, so amazing in act I’m going to use the line that get’s used on all these shows. That is what this competition is about. Just wow is all I can say.

So Chris, being pushed into this by his parents, well I feel we’re all expecting the same thing to happen, he will no doubt be terrible. Oh look it’s a Susan Boyle moment, wait for look from Amanda, you know the one with that look you get when your trying to force a fart out. Well he has a nice voice, but not something we haven’t all heard before, and those people on the balconies had better sit down before it crumbles and kills the people below. On second thoughts jump people on the balcony, jump! Obviously after that he is going through but at least Simon is being a little hard on him, how do you expect someone to get better without people telling them what to improve on. That’s why Amanda Holden is still shit at everything, I mean have you seen her knitting.

Well that’s it for this weeks edition, come back next week for more Britain’s Got Talent abuse, but before I leave you I have a little competition. If you can name a random disease you may well get it in the title and alongside that win a glorious prize. Leave suggestions on the comments and I shall pick a winner later in the week.

Thanks for reading.

 

Kick-Ass April 5, 2010

Filed under: Comedy,Film,Review — terrygreene182 @ 10:27 pm

Gather round children, it’s time for my first proper attempt at reviewing something, hopefully I’ll be able to make something worth reading. So for my first review of the week I present to you

Kick-Ass

Directed by Matthew Vaughn(previously of Stardust and Layercake, so not a great start) this comic book teen comedy has been bigged up by the press so much that it has a lot to deliver. Luckily in my eyes it does.

Described by The Daily Mail as “twisted, cynical, and revels in the abuse of childhood” and given a one star review, this pretty much seals the deal on how the film experience is going to be. Fucking great. It’s the type of film that has you leaving the cinema smiling, which is rare for a cinema experience that combines action with comedy. 

With a young cast, this film is acted superbly and with conviction from each and every actor.  Even Chloe Moretz, as the young hit girl, is perfect in her role(and as a rule I dislike children). Much has been made about her use of the word cunt. Have these people never listened to children talk, they say much worse!

Back on topic.

It’s simply a film about finding yourself, as are most teen films, but delivered in a genuinely funny and different way. It’s rare to see a superhero film about an ordinary person, who isn’t a millionaire(Batman), bitten by a radioactive spider(Spiderman), a millionaire(Iron Man),  exposed to radiation(The Hulk), or  mutants(X-Men), but just an ordinary teenage boy who is fed up with the world, as are most of us are.

This film is obviously going to be a huge hit, and it deserves to be, even Nicholas Cage gives a good performance, his first one since Lord of War. An equally very good film I suggest that you check out if you have not seen already.

The main problem that people keep on mentioning in their reviews is the lack of character development throughout the film. All I can say to that is the fact that the timeline of the film is only a few weeks. How much more mature and developed do people become in three weeks.

Now I hate to come back to the Daily Mail review but I feel I have to as I just went back onto the site and had a read through again. They’ve now added a video to the bottom of the page that pretty much praises the films and at the end even tells the other superhero film makers to look at Kick-Ass and learn some lessons from it. Nothing like sticking to one view in the same paper, although I wasn’t expecting much.

Unless you’re looking for peadophilic aspect then there isn’t one, their review says much more about Christopher Tookey(the reviewer) than it does about the film.  Plus after doing a little bit of digging I found an article where he praised the film Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging. So clearly a little bit lapsed in the mind department.

Thanks for reading this rather haphazard attempt at a review, it probably would have helped if I’d written on the day I’d seen it and not two days later but that’s the best I could do for now. Anyway, come back tomorrow for a review of Ghost Stories. I’m sure that will be better as I’m still getting nervous about having my back to my room when I sleep incase there’s a ghost.