Due to only having one entrant in my competition I am keep it open until the final, simply leave a comment with a random, and weird illness and you could be in with a chance of winning a special mystery, as yet not decided, prize. So far the one entrant was of a brilliant stand up so you’ll have to work hard. Now to the show.
Here we are in Byker Grove town, personally I’m hoping to see Jeff come back from dead.
Now I write this blog as I watch the show, that being why it seems like it’s in bullet point form, and right now I’m going to make a prediction that whoever the first person is will not get through.
So it’s a dance troupe called AKA and there is nothing weird about fake tanned, make up caked ten-year olds. Oh no, wait, sorry, yes there is! Simon starts off with having to translate what on earth they ae saying, and then the dancing starts with just a blur of gold and the constant fear that their hair is going to get tied together. And I shall admit that I was wrong. They changed the format and put the first through, but you know what that means…
Greg Sorden, doing a little dance, and just, well I don’t know, I feel mean taking the mick out of the mentally challenged.
Nicola, doing some stand up comedy but with a severe lack of jokes.
Gary dressed in drag doing some terrible singing. Although someone should tell Simon that horrendous isn’t three words, even if you say it slowly.
END OF MONTAGE!!!
Hoho haha hehe, Ant and Dec made a joke about how terrible they are.
Magic time, but oh my god there’s someone playing a flute, this is going to be (in three words)bril…..li…..ant. SEE SIMON IT DOESN’T WORK!! So Dec started the clapping there, while some out of tune flute playing begins and Amanda Holden pulls some strange….smiles?…whenever a bird appears. Amazingly after the crap flute playing and the boring magic they got through, I have now lost my faith in Piers…no actually I feel exactly the same.
MONTAGE TIME AGAIN!!
Bendy twins, don’t get to excited men, they’re to young, wait a few years.
Georgie Overton, singing terribly yet for some reason going through. I am actually astounded at this episode, someones put acid in their water!
Bionic Funk, doing some crazy moves, and getting through, well someone had to have some talent.
END OF MONTAGE!!
Connected, a 14-year-old boy band, let’s spot the gay one! There is something severely off-putting about a group of boys that age talking about touring the world and releasing albums, especially when all five of them look dead behind the eyes. It’s as if their Tess Daly’s children, or a Hitler Youth boy band. It feels like watching the auditions for Blue before they were forced to add Simon. Here is my hope for these boys, that they get through to the final and mid way through their last song all their voices break. That is my dream now someone go give them some hormone treatment.
Geoff Derbyshire, 41, drives a fork lift, a broken nose, and writing on the back of his head. I’m expecting good things, oh jesus christ he’s stripping and skipping, and he’s off my tv.
I hear incidental music and I can smell a sob story. It’s Olivia, looking like a female version of Tom from Mcfly with a tongue that just wont fit her mouth. Ah it’s one of those young girls with the powerful voices that’s not disconcerting in any way. So everyone loves her, and everyone’s crying and the clichés come a flying. She made that her song. Well I beg to differ, if she had rewritten it then yes she would have made it her own.
Different dreams, two bonnie lasses(was that polite enough?) who look like they would be fun to go drinking with. I bet they could drink me under the table. Will this be a Susan Boyle moment………..well it is for one at the moment even with her bouncer style standing. Unfortunately the other wasn’t very good, so the choice had to be made and the shit ones gone. I’m honestly scared the better singer is about to turn into the hulk with the way she’s pacing. But suddenly without her friend she sounds worse, and chicachicaa they didn’t put her through, nice.
I must just say though, the Newcastle theatre looks lovely.
Well that was this week, thanks for coming to this rather late edition of Britain’s Got (insert illness). Now I shall spend the next day staring at the screen as I play the new Final Fantasy. I bid you adieu.