Working Things Out

My comments on the odd things that happen in this world

Stupid Parties Part 2 April 26, 2010

Filed under: General,Good Causes,Politics — terrygreene182 @ 10:39 pm

Welcome back kids, today I wrote an email to Ukip, that loving party, and without further ado here it is.

After reading your manifesto there are several points which have caught my eye and that I have not been to sure whether they are even viable and some which seem a bit ignorant.
“Save up to £120bn a year by leaving the EU. No British jobs or trade will be lost” I feel people seem to forget that we are part of Europe, just because we are not on the mainland and seems to have an over hyped sense of self worth about our country. We need the EU otherwise we will just become the insignificant little country that we are.
“End abuse of the UK asylum system and expel Islamic extremists” You mention Islamic extremists there, what about Catholic extremists, Jewish extremists, Christian and any other religion you care to think of. You cannot just target one certain religion. There have been many times that I walk down my local high street to hear Christian preachers yelling to tell me that gay people are wrong and any one that’s not christian is wrong, but I know free speech works both ways they have their right to say what they want and I have the right to reply, not to just say they have no right to be here, that’s what living in a free society means.
“Introduce a ‘Three Strikes and You’re Out’ law to lock up career criminals for good” This has been used in America now for a number of years and it clearly doesn’t work. Essentially people could be put away for life for frivolous crimes. It’s not about locking people up it’s about finding the route of why people do what they do and fixing that.
“Keep Britain’s independent nuclear deterrent strong” Keep it for what reason exactly? Yes other countries who previously have not had nuclear weapons are developing them, but this country cannot complain about others having these weapons while being in possession them.
“Oppose wind farms in general and require them to be funded by the market” I do not understand the offence people take with wind farms, we need to start using these types of resources other than those that will eventually run out. Now is the time to be investing in wind farms, solar panels, tidal energy and other types like this.
“End support for multiculturalism and promote one shared British culture for all” The world today is a multicultural one, with technology bringing everyone closer together, and this is a good thing. How can we expect to move on as a race, and I mean the whole human race as a whole, if we all stay in our own separate cultures.
“Scrap political correctness in public affairs” Political correctness always annoys me, mainly because it doesn’t exist. It’s call politeness and when did this become a bad thing.

Thank you for reading this email and it would be nice to get a reply explaining more on some of these parts of your manifesto.

Remember you can join in with this, just go onto their websites, have a quick read through their manifestos, believe me their manifestos aren’t that long, and then send off an email. As yet I have had no reply from the English democrats

There’s still time to enter yesterdays competition and win that mystery prize, I’m gonna make it a good prize. So far I’ve had one entry and that was my brother. Simply give me a strange disease and my favourite will be the title for saturday nights blog. Cheers for stopping by.

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Britains Got Glaucoma April 25, 2010

Filed under: Review,Television — terrygreene182 @ 1:47 am

Hello, and welcome back to my weekly edition of Britain’s Got… Each week I bring you a hateful look at the vacuousness of ITV. I may well carry on this weekly feature once this has finished just ripping into much of the ITV schedule but for now it’s just this.

Sorry for the lateness this week but I was out being sociable so I’m now watching the repeat.

Here we go, tense music begins, Ant and Dec look ‘ard, crowd appears and we see the last weeks. This is Britain’s(drum beat) Got(drum beat) Talent(drum beat). I can hardly wait.

On a side I’ve not put enough milk in my hot chocolate.

So the first act is Christine, 51 from Leeds, with a mouth that appears to be pulled down at the sides by string when she speaks, either that or she’s having a stroke on both sides. Well it looks like she’s taken my advice from twitter earlier in the week, cheers yourself up if your down by doing a little moonwalk. And oh, Piers Morgan tries a joke and 20 people laugh, you know we are now going to see a one man show of Piers Morgan doing a Frank Sinatra style show.

Christine, as always being the first act shown, didn’t get through, meaning we now have to see….

FAILURE MONTAGE

Girl playing guitar with a pogo stick, and by playing i mean strumming no chords as she holds the stick between her, well i could go crude but I’ll say legs.

Singing bodybuilder, seemingly not building for that long but with that voice he may aswell go to America and sing many a country song for literally pounds.

Tits, bad singing, fire, and a warning from Dec, well that’s a definite no…wait, two yes’ are you people mental!

END OF FAILURE MONTAGE

Here comes Stevie, the regurgitator who I’m pretty sure I’ve seen before, and he, like the fire lady, gets a warning, but don’t worry it’s from Ant this time, mixing it up a little are we ITV just to keep me watching. This bloke is strange but you have to admit, it’s fucking impressive, I want to see him win and then die on stage in front of the queen. So they put him through, yes I’ll agree it was fascinating but it’s going to be the same act every time surely, but it’s okay there’s a sob story, I often swallow things I don’t want people to steal, my Iphones currently resting on top of my pancreas.

Now we’re back from the break with a guitar playing dog, I for one am fucking excited! I have never seen Cowell’s face light up like that with the thought of what is about to happen. And now she’s ruined it by not letting the dog  start. Ok the dog not really being bothered just wanting to shut the woman up. Right now I want to just shake that woman and say “NO, NO!” and hit her on the nose with a newspaper. Shockingly she’s not through, the one good thing Simon Cowell has ever done.

But you know what this means

ANIMAL MONTAGE!

Star the pig, wandering off stage and attacking Ant. I’m sure we’re all thinking the same thing. PUT THE PIG THROUGH!!

Neil and his snail racing, nothing happens, there’s not even any jokes. Lets just hope one day the snails rise up against him and kill him in some snail way, maybe slime up his throat.

Dancing horse girl, oh it’s shitting on the stage, it’s like blue peter. Hahaha a horse is doing a bodily function, it’s hilarious teehee hoohoo hahhah. *note sarcasm

END OF ANIMAL MONTAGE

The Arrangement, who’s lead singer looks like the lead singer of G4 but slightly traumatized, maybe just after a vicious gang rape involving Louis Walsh, Simon Cowell, brian freedman, and Danni Minogue with her giant cock. Well where else do you think the rest of her skin went. Oh it’s a medley, with a good singer this could be good. I have to admit I feel this is the one show that I will like this week, with a few more lessons he could sing better, but the band were good, and Pokerface was a genius end to the performance.

Question time, this is always fun. What they should do with this is just put the people who get it wrong in a room and get people to pay to poke them with a stick. Roll up, roll up, come see the dumb, marvel at their inability to add, wonder at the lack of general knowledge, be transfixed by the way they believe anything written in the Sun, or as they call it My Sun(seriously they do, read the letters page, it’s hilarious).

Back in London and the judges are discussing their sleeping arrangements, well that’s an image I will never get rid of.

So now Lady Gaga’s better looking brother Max Oliver, singing, for the second time this episode, Pokerface, and doing a rather good impression of the Gaga, that not being hard due to the fact that she is a terrible dancer and cannot sing live. Simon asks “If we’ve already got Lady Gaga, why do we need you?” Well I would ask why do we need Lady Gaga. He still walks like a man though, I love people who drag up but still walk with that blokey gait.

So it’s acrobat time, and what better way to introduce them than with High School Musical. Jesus christ that child is 18! Ok I can’t mock this it’s amazing, that’s what talent is, the others need to learn. That was simply amazing, so amazing in act I’m going to use the line that get’s used on all these shows. That is what this competition is about. Just wow is all I can say.

So Chris, being pushed into this by his parents, well I feel we’re all expecting the same thing to happen, he will no doubt be terrible. Oh look it’s a Susan Boyle moment, wait for look from Amanda, you know the one with that look you get when your trying to force a fart out. Well he has a nice voice, but not something we haven’t all heard before, and those people on the balconies had better sit down before it crumbles and kills the people below. On second thoughts jump people on the balcony, jump! Obviously after that he is going through but at least Simon is being a little hard on him, how do you expect someone to get better without people telling them what to improve on. That’s why Amanda Holden is still shit at everything, I mean have you seen her knitting.

Well that’s it for this weeks edition, come back next week for more Britain’s Got Talent abuse, but before I leave you I have a little competition. If you can name a random disease you may well get it in the title and alongside that win a glorious prize. Leave suggestions on the comments and I shall pick a winner later in the week.

Thanks for reading.

 

Stupid Parties Part 1 April 24, 2010

Filed under: Good Causes,Politics,Uncategorized — terrygreene182 @ 1:31 am

I think for the next week or so I may write some angry emails to the hate peddling political parties that are so intent on destroying this country.

Today I read the English Democrats sorry excuse of a website and it got me a little bit angry so this is the email I wrote. Please join me in just being mildly annoying to these hateful fringe parties.

I have several questions but I’ll keep this short.
You say “our heritage is the bedrock of the future of England”, looking back is not how you move forward, if people constantly looked backwards we wouldn’t be living in the technological world we are now. The English people I mostly meet who do look back seem to feel that we won the two world wars, WE didn’t our ancestors did, and they won them to keep this a free country.
You say “the rich heritage of our christian faith” this is not a christian country any more this is a secular country. Look in all the churches and you will see them mostly empty, people are christian by name but nothing else.
You say “And to qualify for being English is simple, you value and appreciate the English community and want to contribute to it” what about all the, what I can only describe as Jeremy Kyle style guests in this country, are they not english, are the, admittedly not as many as the press makes out, young kids causing trouble not English?
Finally you say “rejecting secular attempts to place same sex partners into the context of either” it’s 2010, there is nothing wrong with same sex relationships and they should be allowed the same rights as different sex relationships because they are the same. They are two people, in love.
Your party, and others like you are the real hate preachers, you push lies about minorities without realising that in actual fact you are the minority. Most people of England are good honest people, be they from this country or not, yet day in and day out they have hate pushed down their throat from you and the british press.
They are willing to help out their fellow man and would happily see the hate pushers gone.
If you hate the way this country is going then why don’t you leave instead, believe me we’d be much better off without that the bile that spews out from party.
There are many brilliant things about this country such as queuing, complaining, the pint, our constant failures as a country but inherent optimism that it will be ok and tea.
But most of all this country is known for its tolerance which is the best thing of all and I love it.

Thanks for coming back, it makes me feel good when I see the line graph go up more than usual.

 

Good Start April 19, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — terrygreene182 @ 9:10 pm

I feel quite good apart from aching feet.

So yesterday I went on another mahousive walk, this time 6 hours although I dragged my younger brother along with me, and I can tell you there is nothing funnier than turning round to see an 11-year-old massively out of breath and barely able to walk.

Other than that it was pretty much a wasted weekend. I slept in saturday finally opening my eyes fully about two in the afternoon and by the time my brain kicked in it was pretty much too late to do anything so I had a geeky night of thrills and chills. As in Dr Who and then a horror film called The Messengers later on.

So Dr Who, I wasn’t sure on this episode, what with the whole mighty morphing power daleks. Obviously they had to change but the colours were just a bit to retro. Also what’s happened with their weight, it just makes me think that if they bring Davros back it will just be a hideously scarred Vanessa Feltz, actually scrap the hideously scarred part, it will just be Vanessa Feltz.

That just opens up the door for many more celebrity monsters, you could have Paul Daniels as a Sontaron, Anne Widdicombe as a Slitheen, or even Bruce Forsyth. Not as an existing monster, I just feel that he’s been alive for to long so he’s obviously not human. I reckon he’s sucking the life out of Tess Daly and that’s why she’s dead behind the eyes. And last of all Andrew Lloyd Webber, need I say more.

So overall it was an okay episode but not the best. More importantly WEEPING ANGELS NEXT WEEK!

So onto The Messengers, a horror starring Kirsten Stewart, or her off of Twilight or as I call it “That which I have happily avoided”. It wasn’t bad. It made me jump, there was an evil little boy, a bloke got stabbed by a garden fork, and there were lots of crows.

It’s about a family that have just moved into this old and really creepy looking house after some traumatic accident, although I can’t quite remember what that accident was, but soon after moving into this house the crows start going crazy and the two kids begin to see these evil little dead people. All culminating in the farm hand going mental, I won’t spoil it but there is a twist. If you like dodgy horrors then  give it a watch.

*

So the news is getting exciting, lets all talk about the ash cloud. I’ve been enjoying it, as have most people I speak to, everyone’s happy to look up in the sky and not see plane trails, and I hope, as Fiona Bruce just hinted on the news, that there is a second wave of ash coming.

I’m sure it must be devastating being stuck on holiday and having your excuse not to go back to work on the news. Psst, who noticed the sarcasm.

And now, the best news of the week which has had me happy since it happened. After Nick Cleggs brilliant performance on The Debate Factor the Liberal Democrats have shot up the polls and seem to be rising everyday. Lets just hope this carries on, and possibly, if well all work really hard and make sure everyone we know is going to vote Lib Dem and everyone they know and so on then we could get them into power.

 

Britains Got Nothing April 17, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — terrygreene182 @ 8:41 pm

So Britain’s Got Talent, ITV’s ratings winner, is back. What better prize than winning the chance to perform in front on an unelected sponge.

So the judges are back, Ant and Dec are back, and so are the baying mob, sorry I mean audience, because we all know there is nothing better than having 3000 people booing a mentally challenged person, poor Amanda Holden it’s not her fault she can’t act, present, sing, dance, blink, frown, perform circus tricks, grate cheese, eat an apple, put on a pair of gloves……..(a list of 4000 acts deleted due to space)……stroke a hippo, walk up stairs or show sincerity.

After watching the first 10 minutes I already feel dead inside so I hope you all know that I’m doing it for you. Just now I watched a woman doing something unspeakable to a penguin, why do people actually watch this, how thick do you have to be to actually think yes this is what I want to do with my saturday night, watch people who shouldn’t be allowed a massive audience given just that. They may aswell just put John Gaunt and Kelvin McKenzie on stage and let them talk for an hour.

Ok calm now just saw the advert with the laughing babies.

Oh good, here’s Kevin Cruise the stereotypical middle-aged, slightly over weight, spray tanned,  gay man in a gold sequined shirt and sailor cap, makes you proud to be British don’t it, and Kevin the word is fucking not flipping. This is the type of act that if it was a character comedian it would actually be funny but he seems to genuinely do this for a living, and the idiots in the audience love him. Although he did get Pierce Morgan to say “I would go out cruising with you anytime”, well we all knew you liked Simon but now you want Kevin aswell, you naughty man.

Now after one full act you know what we need, that’s right .

MONTAGE!

Australian goth, oh hula hoops, how entertaining for a ten-year old or an ITV audience. Josh, a dancing child, he just looks like he’s having some form of epileptic fit and Simon see’s a little bit of himself in him, well I’m not gonna make the joke. The Ruby Girls, the resident whorey dance group, it’s like Germain Greer did nothing. And end with a bit of friendly conversation between the judges.

END OF MONTAGE!

Tobias Meed, I’m gonna assume that’s how you spell his name. Wow his story is like Billy Elliot’s, his dad wanted him to be a footballer but he said “no dad, I’m going to be a dancer”.  Backwards hat, well we know he’s cool then. I never get pop locking, it’s good to do for a bit of a song but not the whole thing. I’m sorry for being angry I just find it hard not be. Yeah Pierce has seen dancing like that before because he always hangs around in the cool joints like the Fonze, ayyyy. I’m just happy he had a reason for backwards hood, I just assumed I’d missed the new youth craze.

Louis Walsh is here, who is Pierce going to suck up to, oh Louis that’s right.

Michael Lavender, an animal impressionist, I honestly can’t wait till he starts(that may have been a lie). Well that was over quick, bye.

What next though.

MONTAGE!

A shit stand up comedian with 1970’s material, a bag piper and his mother who both looked like they were going to explode, David Churcher reading a poem, what banality that was. At least we got to see Louis press his button

END OF MONTAGE!

Chloe, 10 years old, we all love child singers(that was another lie, I’m so naughty). She’s singing Vera Lynn, it’s almost as if her parents may have pushed her into this. Stage school hand by her side and a wobbly voice, she’s sure to move people to tears, and yes, she’s achieved getting that odd look from Amanda Holden when she enjoys something. It’s like the look of a serial killer who’s just killed someone and started to regret even though they know they will kill again. And she’s through with the Camp Rock song playing in the background, well I hope they’re happy they made another child cry.

Tina and Chandy, a woman with a slightly unhealthy relationship with her dog. Although that is one hell of a good-looking dog, I would if it wasn’t for the fact that I’d be cheating on mine. I actually love this and I’m not lying, I’m a sucker for a good dancing dog and this one rocks.  This is the first act that I actually liked even though I know I shouldn’t. My dogs shit, she’s asleep.

GENERIC IRISH MONTAGE WITH BEWITCHED IN THE BACKGROUND!

So a man dresses as a leprechaun not actually sure what the act is yet they let him through

END OF GENERIC IRISH MONTAGE WITH BEWITCHED IN THE BACKGROUND!

Oh and Simon’s back, thank god for that. I bet someone will press the buzzer, oh they did how hilarious! “My name is Simon Cowell and I am crushing any sign of culture in this country”

Psst the answer’s A but shhh don’t tell anyone because it’s a really challenging question.

Paul Hunt, 40 years old and an accounts clasnorrrrrrr urgh sorry what I drifted off there. Oh and he’s gonna burp, a step up from Methane Man. Pointless, didn’t even do a song.

Kieron, a tiny drummer, who really want’s to do it with his mum and dad. His words not mine. After walking on stage Amanda shouted “Oh my god is that that little boy”, why, what did you do to him! Looks as though someone should have left the parents at home. Jesus someone do something, you can’t have 10 seconds of absolute silence on an entertainment programme. I’m writing this before it happens, I bet they ask the boy to come back and do it alone.  Oh I am on fire tonight.

Kieron is back after an ad break, let’s see him whack some skin. Drum skin you perverts. Close your eyes and it’s like a mini Stomp, I’m hoping to open them and see the large guy come out with a match box. There’s just something not quite right about the gurning, it’s as if he’s remembering something that his drum teacher did to him a long time ago because he played a wrong…beat, rhythm, I’m not sure of the word. Well again they have put him through, let’s see them destroy him again by not letting him get through to the finals. These people really are heartless bastards.

Well that’s episode one out of the way, come back next week for more of my jovial posting. Thanks for reading.

 

I Really Wanna See Your Voting Fingers April 14, 2010

Filed under: General,Politics — terrygreene182 @ 10:52 pm

So the election has been announced, the manifestos have been released and the debates are set to begin. Let me be the first to say that I’m genuinely excited.

There is a lot of talk around about people being uninterested and disillusioned by it but I can’t see this, wherever I go people are talking about the election and in many cases being concerned about the fact that the Conservatives may get in. Yes, this is a bad thing and I would very much like to make this post about everything that is wrong with them and their hardback copy of the daily mail that they released yesterday, but alas that would not be light-hearted enough.

After much deliberation I have finally settled on voting Liberal Democrat. I was going to tactically vote Labour but then after some serious thought my mind went for intelligent idea of fuck it I want Lib Dem and I want them now.

Okay, so Nick Clegg doesn’t appear to have much of a personality, seriously I have tried so hard to find one I just can’t, but it doesn’t detract away from the main points of the party that are there and have been there for several years

Labour and conservative, or Consavour as I like to call them(oooh satire, get me). I’ll stop there, I don’t actually have an end to this sentence I just wanted to use Consavour. That’s it for the general election and now a short piece on my local MP.

Now I’m not going to name him so let’s just say he is called Bib Sponk(shh just reverse the vowels) has been my local MP for many years now, previously Conservative he has since left the party and become an Independent because he didn’t like the direction that the Conservatives were leaning. This being the time when the Conservatives started to lean slightly towards the middle ground, so he decided no that’s not right-wing enough for me and decided to leave.

After doing some searching I found out some things that he voted on, and what an interesting read that was. He voted strongly against equal gay right, he voted strongly for the Iraq war, he voted mildly for an investigation into the Iraq war, voted strongly against the hunting ban and mildly for the smoking ban. What a prick.

He also didn’t bother voting on the recent Digital Economy Bill, I questioned him on why he didn’t feel the need to vote and I got back a rather shit explanation of an email and oh look, here it is… 

I am totally against this bill but it was passed through by both the Tory and Labour parties by their agreement which I was totally against and made this very clear to their Whips.  But it was a done deal.  So by all means vote against me and let the Tories win here, they’d be delighted and see it as commendation for their work on this Bill.

 Their action was anti democratic, the parties conspired yet again to do it in the face of public opposition.

 Please send them a message by voting for me and Independent with the best work rate including voting rate by the way of ALL 647 MPs.

 This is the only way to send Tories and labour a message.  Otherwise we will get more of the same.

 And will you allow my poster please?  I would put it up and take it down no work needed from you.  If you really do care about democracy and the carve-up the Tories did to push the Bill through.

Now I’m not massively clever but surely if all the independents who didn’t vote, and all the Lib Dems who didn’t vote had voted then surely that bill would not have been pushed through.

So yeah, vote Lib Dem!

 

Feeling Healthy April 11, 2010

Filed under: General,Good Mood — terrygreene182 @ 8:10 pm

Today I forced myself to get up early and went for a 3 hour walk and, strangely enough, I feel better for it.

I’ve got to that stage where I realise I need to lose some weight and get myself into some form of okay shape, just to give myself a little bit of self-esteem, so I thought the best way to do that would be to start of exercising properly by taking a walk. A walk which I will definitely be doing again next week.

After tumbling out of bed at 10 this morning it took me a while to get my brain in gear. You know what I’m talking about, it happens to everyone most mornings. That point where you sit slumped on the edge of your bed, with your lips jutting forward in a cavemanesque fashion. It took me half an hour to even think about going out.

After finally getting the energy together I finally packed up my bottle of drink, made the night before I might add, I’m like Ray Mears I am, always prepared, although I don’t look like a 12-year-old boy, and headed out, but not before grabbing my coat due to the clouds that had formed over my house. This was a mistake though as five minutes later all the clouds had gone and I was left holding my coat in the beautiful sun shine.

Headphones in and the country park beckoned. I do love country parks because they are the only places where people actually smile at you and say hello, especially when, inevitably, one of their dogs runs up to you and looks at you with its stroke me eyes, and there is always such odd breeds of dogs that you see than when you just walk round the streets.

Midway through walking up one hill I looked to the top and just began wishing there would be a bench at the top, and I was happy to see the beginnings of a bench forming over the top of the hill. This bench has now become my favourite bench of all time, not just because I needed it after the hill which was a lot harder to walk up that it looked, but because of the message engraved on it. “Doris H. Stood here and wished there was a seat” Although it did make me think that maybe she’d had a heart attack on that spot. The only message that would have been better than that would have been “Alfred G. Kneeled here cottaging and wished there was a seat”

After another half hour of walking I had the delight of another hill, but at the top of this was another treat. COWS!! That’s right, they’re that good they deserved two exclamation marks, I know what your thinking in your mind “Please tell me, did you get a picture of the cows, please tell me you did?”

Of course I did. Although that first one scared me as it’s eyes followed me as I passed it and then I had to climb over one of the fences with the horizontal slots of wood. I’m not sure what they’re called but I’m sure they designed by someone who hates the elderly, believe me I had to wait several minutes for an old couple to get over while I had to do the polite smile and laugh along with them in a way that’s like, cor who woulda thought it ay, while thinking I hate you, why aren’t you in a home. Back to the cow though, it just watched me climb and really thought he was waiting for the right moment to just charge and crush my leg.

The second cow is my friend though, I named him Constantinople.

Finally after another half hour of walking I decided to make the trek back home. It was the most uneventful end to a walk of my life, plus it was mostly downhill so it went quite fast.

Next week I’m going on another walk, although I think I’m going to find somewhere else to go, vary it a bit.

Thanks for reading.